Too Fat Ponders Porn And Wonders Why We Run

I was considering something today on my run. I re-arranged my training this week and did my long run today. It was 12 miles and actually a lot of fun but more on that later.

As is so often the case, I was perusing some Internet pornography this week. I know, you only use it to search for recipes from Epicurious and keep up with your tweets but I’m a far more salacious and inferior being.  While pondering porn I wondered if those that consider themselves runners have a streak of masochism in their veins?

I mean think about it. We talk openly (brag) about things like bloody nipples and losing toenails. We talk about our ruptured tendons, blown out knees, toenail fungus, broken bones and pulled muscles. We can happily catalogue our near misses with cars, falls that lead to cuts and bruises, bouts of dehydration, heat exhaustion and/or frost bite. We celebrate those who run themselves to death’s doorstep as they collapse at the finish line and we canonize those that continue to run with diarrhea streaking down their legs.

If you are a runner it all makes sense but if you aren’t you view this kind of thing as insane. Especially if this person knows a runner and they hear the “my injury is bigger than yours” braggadocio. Take my father, he doesn’t understand why anyone would want to run 26.2 miles in their life, put together. He asked me why a dozen years ago the first time I did it and I guess I didn’t answer well enough because as he watched as my sister struggle across the finish line at the OKC marathon, with a slew of lower leg injuries that should have forced her out of the race, he begged her never consider a marathon again. The request was primarily based on the feelings he had seeing his little girl in pain but secondarily because runners, as a community, don’t do a better job marketing their passion.

This lack of marketing is sad because there are so many positives that we could and should talk about in lieu of bloody nipples and broken toes. There is the commraderie of the field on a race day. Sure there are some ultra-competitive douche-nozzles in every field but for the most part you’ll meet some wonderfully outgoing extroverts enjoying themselves. There is the sense of pushing your limits and pushing yourself that most people find exciting. There are the mind clearing properties of a few miles on the road. More often than not if I’ve had something on my mind, a problem or a decision to make a good run has helped straighten me out. I’m not sure if its the endorphins flowing or the time alone with my thoughts but a run is a great cure for any problem.

There’s the obvious heath benefits that we don’t talk about enough. Weight loss, lowered blood pressure, better lung capacity, a propensity to eat healthier, sleep more, drink more water and the list goes on. And then there is the elusive runner’s high. Its hard to describe it but I can swear on a stack of holy books of your choosing that its a real phenomenon. The sense of well-being and happiness that accompanies a run. The buzz and sense of peace I get is all worth it. So perhaps we as runners, joggers and fatasses logging the miles should focus on these positives. I know I’m going to try

Listen dad, we need to talk about running. Sit down and let me tell you about the time I crapped in the bushes and then got hit by a car after I ran back into the road. It was epic.