Life and running have been hard. A new bidness venture, a horrendously bad idea that will no doubt end in failure, financial ruin and likely criminal indictment, has taken up a lot of my time. On top of that we have entered the Dog’s balls days of Summer here in North Texas. I am a bad morning runner and bad hot weather runner and therefore have been struggling. I’ve been able to put in the 4-5 mile maintenance runs during the week thanks to a treadmill and a few mid morning outings but my long runs have been lacking. I’ve been settling for 8 or so miles on Sunday. I know this must change so I reached out to Coach Cool for some advice.
I’ve previously mentioned Coach Cool here but there is more you need to know. Coach Cool is attracted to long-haired rebels. If he’d been alive at the time he would have no doubt slept with Socrates. Two of his favorite role models are Che Guevara and Steve Prefontaine. Since my interest are more in world of running than Marxist revolutionaries this post will mostly focus on Steve Prefontaine.
In case you don’t know Steve Prefontaine, or Pre, is probably the most famous and influential American distance runner ever. He was from the town of Coos Bay, Oregon and for a while in the 70s was virtually unbeatable at mid distance races (1 mile, 2 mile and 5k). He ran for the University of Oregon and legendary coach Bill Bowerman (the John Wooden of track) and only lost three races in his collegiate career. He helped Bowerman test training shoes that Bowerman made by hand using his wife’s waffle iron and some rubber. These shoes would eventually lead to the formation of a little company called Nike. Pre was the first athlete Nike paid for an endorsement and he has a statue at their Oregon headquarters. He was the first true running superstar but it wasn’t just because he was talented, it was the way he ran. He was a balls out as fast as he could as long as he could runner. He didn’t believe in pacing early in the race he just went for it. He would often claim that he wanted the races to be about who had the most guts not the most talent.
His brightest moment/biggest disappointment was the 5000 meter finals in the 1972 Olympic games. He finally relented to Bowerman’s plea to not push the pace and to not to make it a gut race early. The plan seemed to be working as Pre broke the slow pace and took the lead at the beginning of the last mile. The last mile was legendarily fast as he battled with Lasse Viren, rightfully considered the best in the world at this distance. Pre lead until the last 150 meters where he was out-kicked by Viren and then two others to finish off the podium. While the last mile rocketed him to world wide fame, he was crushed because he hadn’t made it a guts race early on. Bowerman would later say that convincing him to run that race that way was one of the biggest coaching errors of his life. Pre was dead within three years of the 72 games. He died in a car wreck, likely a little drunk, after dropping off another american distance legend, Frank Shorter, after a party.
Coach Cool has taken to calling me Pre. Mostly its derisive but I kinda like the nickname and will answer to it. In any event, in response to my plea for inspiration Coach supplied me with these modified Pre quotes.
2. How does a kid from Coos Bay Lancaster, Texas with one broken knee win races?
3. I run to see who has the biggest gut.
4. I’m going to work so that it’s a pure big gut race at the end, and if it is, I am the only one who can win it with a big gut.
5. Somebody may beat me, but they are going to have to bleed to do it. Even if that means it is a 12 year girl on her period.
6. Something inside of me just said ‘Hey, wait a minute, I want to beat THR, and I just took off.
I’m drunk, so that necessarily means I am better than you today.
Sir, drunk or sober, you are far superior me. Nevertheless, I am still going to kick your drunk, stupid and rapidly fatting ass in the marathon you pencil dicked bastage.
PreFat, you truly are a magnanimous bastard. Now, go out there, rub your gut in THR’s face, sidle up against his member, and run his ass in the ground! (coach slaps PreFat on his rather large, but diminishing, ass and sends him on his way)
I’d congratulate you on your return, but I fear it’s premature.
I only wish your frequency in writing matched the frequency with which you sample new employment, but we all have our strengths and weaknesses.
And thanks for the bio essay on Prefontaine. I hope you have your visual presentation ready by next Tuesday when you present your paper to the class. Maybe a diorama or a poster collage.
***Please accept the usual symbolic disclaimer regarding all material above.
You’re friends with a republican? wtf?
Kim down here its unavoidable. They are to Texas what moose, Molson, hockey players and wildfires are to your neck of the woods.
Plus its useful to have a few around. You never know when you are going to have to take food from a starving kid, laugh at a mentally ill homeless person or bomb and innocent but oil rich country. Those folks are invaluable in just such circumstances
Ok- I see your point. I should get me one.
Come on down. We got millions of them. You can’t throw a closeted evangelical preacher without hitting one around here.
Funny, it’s the same out here, but with hippies. (careful what you say, my mom is one of them)
Honestly, if I hadnt’ been fired as your coach, I would be pissed. There are many people in the virtual world who look forward to your virtual postings of your virtual running. This blog is a sham to perpetrate a fraud.
As you have probably heard, Caster Semenya, the South African female runner, has been determined to have previously unknown internal testies. Too Fat, I think you should go have yourself checked for an internal vagina.
As we say in the Filipines, walks like a vagina, talks like a vagina, it’s a vagina.
you are my God.
You are an arbitrary and capricious moderator. Blatant racism.
What is that I smell? The decomposing remains of a once proud blog?